Face matters everywhere

A conversation with a caller on NPR’s Car Talk this weekend served as a reminder that despite the power of culture, and the temptation to think in absolutes, there is always wiggle room.

The caller said he had a “mechanical moral dilemma” with a neighbor. The caller, a doctor, had an agreement with his mechanic neighbor to barter services: health care for car care. Except the caller had noticed that his neighbor had been going about oil-changing in a needlessly cumbersome, even somewhat unsafe, way. He asked hosts Tom and Ray if he should tell his neighbor about a much easier way to change the oil.

My American mind expected a quick “yes” from Tom and Ray, especially given that the mechanic had burned himself twice doing it the hard way. Surely the learning to be gained, as well as the safety concerns, would outweigh considerations of ego.I was wrong. They both gave a quick and unqualified “no.” They said the mechanic would eventually learn some other way, but in the meantime it would be an “affront” for the doctor to tell the mechanic directly. At the end of the call Tom and Ray praised the caller for his “sensitivity.”

Westerners often pride ourselves in our directness, and see matters of “face” as secondary, or even non-existent. The Car Talk example, though, shows that face can be as real a concern in the West as it is anywhere, given the right circumstances and the right individuals.