Conversations between my spouse and me these days — as I imagine is the case for lots of couples — often center around our family's finances.  Got me thinking about some research I did a few years back.

Consider, if you will, this scenario:

The Smiths are a three-person family living in the United States:  Mom, Dad, and their 17-year-old son Bill.  Mom and Dad both work full-time jobs for similar salaries.  Mom wants to buy a new car and give the old one to Bill; Dad thinks their current car will last several more years, and doesn’t think they should waste money on a new car. What will they all say to one another? What will happen in the end?  Who is right?

How do you answer? Chances are that if you're American you will answer differently than if you're Chinese. (If you want to see the Chinese version of this scenario, please click here. What makes the Chinese and English versions of this scenario "equivalents" of each other is a conversation unto itself...)

When I came up with this scenario I expected Americans and Chinese to answer differently, but not in the ways they ended up answering. I assumed the differences would show up in the "results": I thought that since China is "patriarchal," Dad would win; in the "democratic" and "consumerist" U.S., Dad would lose.

Therein lies the peril of taking useful generalizations a bit too far. Rather than in the results, the differences showed up in the process. The Americans emphasized discussion; the Chinese introduced me to a term I had never before heard: "shuō le suàn" (说了算). The idea is that one member of a couple — it could be the husband or the wife — over time develops a certain authority in family matters. Few ventured to guess whose wishes would be followed, but there was a lot of certainty that whosever opinion carried the day, it would be because of this authority, and the matter would be settled quickly.

By the way, up above I wrote "...Dad would win..." and "...Dad would lose..." I am showing my American stripes in my choice of framing. American interview participants overwhelmingly use win and lose in their discussions; the Chinese equivalents, yíng (赢) and shū (输) don't make a single appearance.

Views on the family tend to show up everywhere, including the boardroom. What makes for "winning" and "losing" impacts how we see our partners and counterparts. If your organization is doing business in China, you'll want to know all the ins and outs.